start tomorrow!

I'm crap, there's no point in repeating it over and over again but what I'm doing is a mess, it's a nightmare for all of you probably but that's what I need to get to grips finally. I submitted to the Weight Loss Competition and that's good for a start. I'm gonna do that cause May passed by and I didn't even notice it. It's June tomorrow, I'm 16, I'm fed up and worn off and I have no faith in myself and no pills to deal with it but I'm in love, in love with the people I met here in the net... I want to have my value and show them and myself that I'm able to win... Let's start, the limit is 600kcal but probably that's a bit too much for a diet. No vomitting allowed.

Uh, I forgot, as for my foolishness, I've a few pounds and thanks to my stupid need to put on weight I got it back but that was the only way to motivate myself to a proper, healthier diet.

Hugs <3

low

Shite. I'm so tired and fed up, this stuff is fucking exhaustive. The tedious everyday activities are tiring themselves. How can I have strengh to fight against all those smaller and bigger enemies on my way if I've been eating&vomiting since I'm out of my antidepressants? And I can't get any more of them cause my parents totally opposite the chemical mood-altering stuff which is crap for me cause I'm going mad. It was the sixteenth day of constant, limitless b&ps period and I can neither see nor feel any positive changes in the pipeline.

I'm down. I'm wondering how my depression grows in strengh when I'm pulling its leg by taking fluoxetin and then taking it away? God, the next week will be pretty hard, I presume. The tests, stress at school and moreover my 16th birthday, my mum's consultation with my psych, not really a thing worth anticipating and the school trip which may turn into a total disaster for me cause for now I don't think it's possible for me to stop bingeing and vomiting like a fool [which means at least five times a day]...

god, be strong, please. [ I wish I could be]