ommmm, down.

Each day brings now something new, something fresh, but these are all gentle breezes of the past. Now I associate my past with eternal sense of possibility, mental nudity, innocence in thoughts and actions. I was so like the spring chilly wind. Bringing relief. Now it strikes me. I feel the love again. I'm so grateful. Despite all of this I can't stop vomiting, even enough I thought I might be successful tondday I broke down in the evening. I fell. God, I'm like the mother and the child at once, but have a bizzare premonition that I'll soon lose my patience cause I let myself down everyday. And I dissapoint the others who believe in me, too.

Hope you're not so fed up with my posts and my general incompetence, chiz.

Thank you all. Hugs for Zena <3and Ana and all of you who don't ignore me completely. xoxo

god, i'm fucked up.

I had just 1 day, literally ONE DAY of not purging and today I screw it up. Even now I'm eating and I'm planning to go for some more. I've already vomited for like 4 times after everything but probably soon I'll just fall asleep and let all the chocolate crispy cereals be digested. I'm soooo disgusting and I can't fight bulimia any longer, it's all over me. Shit, I should try 1000cals diet but I'm so scared to grow bigger and bigger.

And eventually I do it anyway throwing up and devasting my digestive system :(


love you all <3

still 37,4 degrees fever

Yesterday I had 250calories but I was not satisfied cause my mum managed to spoil my motivation and good mood with her comments like 'tommorrow you're starting to learn and EAT'

she is soooooooo annoying but everything would be okey if only I wasn't so affected by all the things she says :(

i'm so fat today. my thighs are disgusting in the mirror. i don't feel quite well with myself.

xxx

mental recovery

I so enjoy reading your blogs, I just wanna say thanks, that's absolutely motivating and encouraging, all the stuff you're writing about x

I just popped in for a sec to see if there are any new updates and there were indeed. I wanna give a big hug to Belle Svelte cause she's underestimating herself and I wish she saw some good in what she's creating and striked her happy medium in assessing her achievements <3

hey, that sign "<3" isn't very common among you, is it?

I've been doing well so far and as I mentioned I'm planning to have more or less 350cals today.

one more pic, so that you can better save my image in your mind


love, Joan xoxo

nite post

That's me or the memory of how I'd looked before my bulimic marathon... like which nationality I look?
Now you see my huge thighs, I managed to cover the chest area with this lovely overstretched H&M sweater.

This evening was different from the previous ones, I vomited of course many times but i felt a sudden upsurge of motivation, this willpower and I'm prepared for the fight again, I assume so at least.

How about starting a week's fast? Tommorrow I'm gonna have like 300-400 cals just to prepare myself for some starving and then I start on Monday :)

There so many possibilities of indulging yourself while having a restrictive and effective diet and I'm gonna do that, I made a list of things that will be a source of great pleasure when I lose several pounds/kilograms

i'm fat pig right now and I can't stand being unbalanced, it's time to change it, it's the first day of calendar spring here so the weather will soon be excellent and warm, perfect for positive, skinny ppl...

xoxoxo all

so-called introduction

Shit (good word to start with), I've been reading your blogs for many days now, I incidentally got to Nadja's one and I felt so incredibly close with you all. Even though there are many countries or continents between us I can't help but try to slip into your world and be there for you always. Promise (:

When it comes to me... my name is Joanna, Joan, Jo, however and I'm a little plump fatty who's suffering from bulimia or EDNOS, it depends on period. Recently, that's not quite colourful but I still believe that I'm able to start fasting again and find this irreplaceable pleasure in restrictive dieting. As for now... soon I will be celebrating my 50th day of b&ps' series :/ i can't digest anything anymore and I can't get through a day without throwing up, that's f*cking addictive.

I beg you to cut corners on my mistakes but you know... despite all the struggle, the never-ending inner battle I still have faith in people and in what they can achieve together so maybe my English will improve significantly and maybe I can get through all of this?

xoxo hope sb will drop in for a sec

:*

shy hi.

i dunno how it will make out but (: